hi everyone
how's your holiday going on? mine's okay except for the part when everytime i wake up i have to do chores until after lunch n then take jiya (n sometimes bros) to park till4 or 5 n then back home n cook or wash clothes n then after dinner wash again n then clean up for bed n sleep..but it between those last 2 items i get to watch TV..probably STAR PLUS and CArtoon Network ^ . ^ and usually i'd fall asleep trying to make jiya asleep at around 10:30pm or at 11pm but yesterday couldn't sleep..keep wondering n wandering around in my head..i got really tired just doing that ..i was about to fall asleep n the last peck i got off my watch was 3:(blur) n i fell asleep..which means(duh) it was alreay 3 am..!!^ . ^ n today it's only 1:02 am in my computer..(don't have any intention of going backto sleep..there'snos sleep creeping over me)brothers went to sleep just like..around 20 min ago n mum went to sleep after watching   SAI BABA n sis went to sleep (today's her holiday..every sunday only) to make jiya sleep at around 10:45..much been going on lately but i just can't put them down to words..this is the first time ever since..dunno when..i wrote down like writing in my own diary...i have stopped writing..i'll continue it but just don't have the heart to do so..even english journals..i've stopped writting n i haven't handed it in many times already..dunno how many..

....
got nothing to do..i dun think back or front..just whatever is going on n when it's gone i'll just forget it n go to the present one..it's getting worse..wat with mum saying all that stuffs..n yeah..she knows about us but..i hardly listen to her cus most of the time i'm deaf..all she does is discriminate n think totally low..i know..maybe not so sure about that but..that she cares and concerns about me but she makes it look like or rather be like it's she that has every burden n whatever whatever on her..-doesn't understand n asks me why n when i try to reply she says i'm being rude n not respecting her..well then why does she ask for an answer if she doesn't want to listen to whatever i'm saying???everytime-every single time i try to say something she'll get a go at it again and i do answer back[as i think is proper]..it's always<her  way of saying>"that rai has damaged ur brain"....that really goes down there..where it cuts....n hurts alot..

....
here at  home noone talks properly or maybe that's the way i'm thinking but i don't know...not so sure..even dad talks different..it more loud n harsh ..everyone talks like that even jiya starting to talk like that..n i totally hate it when the other family form the other flat comes here..everytime after they are gone..there's always a big  arguement at home.. topic?about them..i hate the little kid...he's just too much..of course his parents are like that ..that little kid is so much spoiled n such a-such a-such a-oooh!!..i dunno what! it's just that he drives me nuts when he comes here..n takes everything out n shouts all the time n makes a big fuss of everything n all that n hitting n cursing n stuffs..n yeah he curses n swears even thought he'sjust like 3 or 4 yrs old..or may be 5 or 6..everyone in the family goes nuts..mum's getting mad cus she doesn't get her way n  and..and the same with everyone here..my glasses broke yesterday night n this morining jiya made it worse by doing-dunno what but- it was all twisted n the glasses was out of the frame with one intact n totally dirty..mumwas talking about it the whole day...today the only thing i'msaid too her is i think  something like" there's an old lady of 60 dancing go watch n i'll cook the dinner.." n of course politely n the reply? " go n do whatever u want just let me mind my own business" that's what it sounded like..but soon she gave up..i guess she couldn't resist sister keep on calling her to come n watch..so i made the dinner..didn't paid any attention to whatever was going on...except what was coming in the  TV "home alone 2" n break time "STAR PLUS movie 'barsaat ki ek raat'"

..............
It's a very  strong force that makes me do what i do..when i can't think straight..n it makes me go all...bad me n mental me..n i dun feel anything at that time but afterwards, which also means those scenes will replay back to me a few days later or may be a week later, will make feel totaly go red hot in my face..n i could feel the  blood rushing up all over my face..even if i'm in bed undercover n noone could see me..i'd still go hot on my face...sometimes i don't even notice what i'm doing until it  is too late to be undone..
i can't remember any of my dreams!!when i wake i know i dreamt but when i try to replay it back there's nth but blank..n i can't even remember what i did the day before until i'm back again in  bed thinking....and yeah..i've been doing thinking a lot but there's no use to it..'cus..i know i'm thinking but i can't concentrate on my thinking and when i finish thinking i still have no clue to whatever i was thinking....er....is that normal?

...
i'm just not bored or anything..it just that..Sony's back to nepal n Indi n Anjs are in uk n Varsha's in mei foo n i'm in tung chung n there's "no way" i can call him...just trying to say that..i really miss you guys a lot..
to pass time what i've really done is weaving stuffs in my brain..1st example..i'm making lots of stories at the same time i mena going on gradually n looking up in internet to feed my brain with informations and news about stuffs which i'm sure u wouldn't be much interested in n thirdly..going on with my life..as it is..
I feel so sorry for myself..do u ever feel that way..?

(2am)
wow..this is quite long..and i'm not done yet..i had to fix  n add over those what i wrote..it's really dark ot there but the airport is shining there making it look like the sun's about to rise that way..which-that is NW(northwest) from my home n the sea inbetween look shinny with moving/sparkling surface..??there's no bright light on the surface though but all around the sea everything is dark..n my home is dark too..the only light source on my keyboard is from the screen..just noticed a plane flying towards..er..north....the sound is fading..........gone..

.........
o yah..exams are coming n i'm so totally not ready ..i have no school books..i dunno what's my hw n i can't remeber what was taught in clas..well duh i haven't paid any attention..well i do but i don't too..i have to think hard to remember something....n when i can't..i get frustrurated at myself for not being able to do so.....................right now i'm not feeling great nor anything else..n i dun believe in anything at all..not god not science not anything..n i'm not thinking straight.......i'll just post this up n go sleep..still i dun feel like sleeping


wish me to be abck up on blogging ^ . ~  i dun wanna forget ....

ta-ta

oh!by the way i almost forgot!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!n guess what?? so far this term..christmas party..i'll rate it good ^ . ^ it was fun but not as much fun as it used to be whenwe used to be together! n insyead of christmas cards i'd send caring cards to every person i think is my friend or making up to my list of friends..i know i'd miss a lot out..the cards ran out!!i wonder what you were doing wheni am typing this..that's in past tense cus now whenu read this..it'll be long after i'd post it up see yah..i think i'll go online for a while n go to dreamland. Good Night.

     

Finally!! after so long!! but I'm not saying "it's good to be back" cus i might go back again

This is really long long time since i was here..in fact the whole summer holidays i didn't came here-not even for a check up.

By the way I was kinda busy these holidays what with trips, camps, hikings, BBQs and other Extra Actvities-I feel like there was never a holiday cus i had to come back to school every week!!and now that the school started i'm freaked out cus-I'm so unlucky-I've been placed bettwen the top student from previous classes!!! How on earth am i gonna make up to them?? with my Dad giving me lectures n Mum giving me tensions!!?!? check out here-my school web page for more tensions!! Actualyl I dun even care about tensions n stuffs-but still...AAaarrrrrrrGGH!!
And also I was doing my geocities site and i got as far as...well not really that far but-i haven't even done my own page.. ^ ^ but i didn't lots of changes n fixed lots of thing n blah blha..I'm really proud of that site ^ ^ I added my favorite animes also n so far I've done only little bits of CC Sakura ^ ^ first choice in my anime page!!

And i really had a great time too-I mean those stuffs in the holidays..i can hardly believe it over -.-
and i dowloaded lots of movies n songs n listened n watched all the time n blah blah but i could only  use the comp at night cuz my brothers were ruling the comp in the noons n evenings!! oh-so what abt mornings??=> all asleep as good as dead....

neways..that's all for now..i think...lol...meet you lotz next time ^ . ~

I love Marmalade Boy!!!!

I LOVE NEOPETS!! I LOVE NEOPETS!! I LOVE NEOPETS!! I LOVE NEOPETS!! I LOVE NEOPETS!!

       

AIN'T THEY S000000000 CUTE??????????? WHY DON'T YOU JOIN ME TOO!!!

THEY'RE THE BEST AROUND ON NET!!

click on those banners ( not the icons) to meet me in neopets.com!! see you there!!

--[[4 U 2 C]]--

(Just give the word..)
I'd go anywhere,
Do anything, 
All I want is
To be with you,
To see you happy
And
I've searched the biggest world,
The busiest place,
And one of the most,
Dangerous place,
(Internet)
Here
Just to find these
Feelings of mine
from deep within
Only for you..
[[thx..for everything..]]

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My Sweetheart

So often when I am embracing you,
It seems that you exist in this world
only because of me and I exist because of you.

It's not easy to wander in this world
and not lose one's way,
but the greatest happiness of all
is in giving joy to one's beloved.

And if the king can have his throne,
and if the bird can have his Spring nest,
and God can have his heaven,
then I, my sweetheart, I can have you!

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Sometimes at night, when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you and then ask myself, why?
Why do I love you? I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch,
so many little things that make me love you so much.
The way you support me, and help with my emotions,
the way that you care and show such devotion.
The way that your kiss, fills me with desire,
and how you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire.
The way your eyes shine when you look at me,
lost with you forever is where I want to be.
The way that I feel when you're by my side,
a sense of completion and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see and the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart,
how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is my love for you is real.

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What I Love About You...

The sparkle in your eye,
The warmth of your skin.
Your breath on my neck,
That quivers within.

The touch of your hand,
The smell of your hair.
The kindness in your smile,
That strength in your stare.

Your kiss on my lips,
Your body near mine.
The stroke of your touch,
That feeling inside.

The sound of your voice,
Compassion in your embrace.
The serenity in your stride,
The power in your face.

The calming of your presence,
The beating of your heart.
The promise of tomorrow,
That we may never part.

The beauty of your kiss,
and that magic in your touch.
It is for all these reasons and more,
Why I love you so much.

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Dreams

I dream of your touch while you are away,
I dream of your smile all through the day,
I remember the day,
You came into my life,
I dream of the day I will be your wife.

I dream of the day I can fall asleep next to you,
I dream of the day I can say I do.
To be your wife,
To be together for life,
Is a dream I have,
Every night.

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Keeper Of My Dreams

When you're not here to share my days and nights
My life is so incomplete
For you are my heart, my soul
The neness?I had known to seek

Without you I merely exist from day to day
With you I know that I will find
All that I have been searching for
My completeness, my eternal peace of mind

You are the keeper of my dreams
The man who holds my heart in his hands
The one I want to spend my life with
The one with whom I will always stand

Stand beside through thick and thin
Through all that life will throw our way
Knowing that this special love we share
Will guide us, each and every day

This journey was started long ago
Before this time and place
The journey of completeness
As two hearts and souls embrace

Forever is what I want with you
For the search is at an end
Our hearts have found each other
As lovers, as soul-mates, as friends.
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It is time

It is time,
My Love,
Wanna show the world,
Wanna tell the world,
Our Love
For each other
Has grown even stonger
Nothing can seprate us now
For there's no such thing as nothing
We're close in Life,
Not even Death can tear us apart
But will only make us even closer
As He said Death is just the begining
We'll meet again and again and again
In life
And in Heaven
We've gone through a lot
That binds us even closer
Never have I realised,
Love
From Above
Is like a glimpse
Of heaven
And that's the way I feel
Living in paradise
And living in heaven
You're my Angel
You're my miracle,
And You're my Gift,
That He has sent me
And I thank Him deeply
And I do REALLY
Love you like heaven!
I love you with every cell in my body
And including my threeself;
Mind,
Soul,
And Me (Physical Me)
And I thank you too
For showing me,
Your Wonderful World
That I'd almost missed,
I'm so glad
that I founf you
And I really love you

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